When Parents Refuse to Discuss Estate Plans: How to Break Through the Silence

Estate planning is one of those topics that many families struggle to discuss. Parents often resist the conversation because it feels uncomfortable, unnecessary, or even threatening. They may fear losing control, worry about family conflict, or simply dislike thinking about mortality.

According to a 2025 Fidelity Family and Finance study, 68% of parents have not shared inheritance details with their children even though 70% have a will or estate plan. The study also found that 97% of families agree estate planning conversations are important, yet nearly half have never had them.

Unfortunately, delaying these discussions can lead to confusion, stress, and financial complications later. If your parents refuse to talk about their estate plans and become stubborn or upset when you ask, use these six strategies to help you move past the roadblocks.

1. Start with Empathy, Not Urgency

Before you dive into details, acknowledge that this is a sensitive subject. Instead of saying, “We need to talk about your estate plan,” try something like, “I know this isn’t easy to think about, but I want to make sure we honor your wishes.” Framing the conversation around their values and goals rather than your concerns helps reduce defensiveness. Show that your intent is to protect what matters most to them, not to control their decisions.

2. Use Life Events as Natural Openings

Rather than forcing the topic out of the blue, look for moments when estate planning feels relevant. A family wedding, birth of a grandchild, or even a news story about probate issues can serve as a gentle segue. For example, you might say, “I read about a family who had trouble settling things because there wasn’t a clear plan. It made me wonder how we can make sure that doesn’t happen here.” These openings feel less confrontational and more like shared problem-solving.

3. Bring in a Neutral Third Party

Sometimes parents resist because they feel pressured by family dynamics. Suggest involving a professional such as an estate attorney or financial planner. You can frame it as an educational opportunity: “Would you be open to meeting with someone who can explain the options? It might make things easier for all of us.”

A neutral specialist can answer questions objectively and help reduce emotional tension, making the process feel less personal and more practical.

4. Focus on Their Legacy, Not Just Logistics

Estate planning is about more than dividing assets. It preserves values, traditions, and intentions. Shift the conversation toward what they want to leave behind beyond money. Ask questions like, “What traditions or causes are most important to you?” or “How do you want future generations to remember you?” When parents see estate planning as a way to help protect their legacy, they may feel more motivated to engage.

5. Share Your Own Experience

If you have your own will or financial plan, mention it. This normalizes the process and removes the stigma. You might say, “I recently updated my own plan because I realized how important it is. It made me think about how we can make things easier for everyone in the future.” By presenting estate planning as a responsible step rather than a morbid one, you can help reduce resistance.

6. Divide the Process Into Small Steps

One reason parents avoid the conversation is that it feels overwhelming. Instead of tackling everything at once, start with something simple like confirming beneficiaries on accounts or discussing health care directives. Once they see progress on small items, they may feel more comfortable addressing bigger decisions. You can say, “Let’s just start with one thing today. How about we look at your insurance beneficiaries?” Small wins build momentum.

Breaking the Silence

These conversations are rarely easy, but they are essential. Download our Caring Conversations: A Checklist for Adult Children as a gentle way to open the dialogue.

Approach your parents with patience, empathy, and respect for their autonomy. By framing estate planning as a way to protect their wishes and reduce stress for the family, you can turn a difficult topic into a constructive dialogue. The sooner you start, the closer you’ll get to having more peace of mind.

This is intended for informational purposes only. You should not assume that any discussion or information contained in this document serves as the receipt of, or as a substitute for, personalized investment advice from Savant. Please consult your investment professional regarding your unique situation.